i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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