i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
