You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
