You just made me feel so damn special
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
