So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
