In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
