His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize