You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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