Who did Billy Mays play for?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
