My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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