i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
