Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
