Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i think my cat just said my name.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
