i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
