I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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