in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
