if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
