i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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