There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
