I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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