I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
