____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize