We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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