how do flat chested girls get laid?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
