I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
