My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
