I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize