I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
