i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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