After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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