yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
