Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
FUCK WHALES
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
