Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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