I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
