is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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