Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
