He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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