I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
