I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
