just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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