I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
