All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
These tits shall not be calmed
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
