I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize