I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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