Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
When are your genitals available?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
