I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
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