Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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