i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
