i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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