Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize