i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
