And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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