No, you can still breathe under the balls.
a search helicopter?!
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
