peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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