And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize