He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Bring me that man meat
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
