Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
