Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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