Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
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