The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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