Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
