If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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